mixed feeling

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

     well, being so exhausted with a great future sometimes bring me to the place where i cant think that much. i know everyone deserves to feel better. everyone deserves to achieve what they want in their lifes. they are allowed. 

     my point is, do they even think to others. is like, my situation, i work harder to strive for a really great result either in finals or anything. but, i do lose my friends because im really lack in socialize. dude, i have to focus on my studying.

      this is im really going to express out. since i moved to mjsc jeli, since that moment, i can feel that my relationship with my friends at tip2 is going to be worse. no i mean, we are not going to be so close. they dont know what im really doing at home. we are not losing our contact but we dont keep in touch.

    how sad! so, my only friends are at mjsc jeli. but, not all of them are comfort with me. with the habit of love-to-study may make a distance. but i do feel that, i want to have more friends, i want to be more socialize, i want to be part of them. leave so many memories together. memories with friends.

    but, sincerely to say, i cant. i may be not so talkative but with those who are knowing me crystal clear, they know me. i love to talk. i love to have joke. but, i have priorities.

    what make me jealous is when, i can see that, they are so free. they seem like dont have any work need to be settle down. they can have fun. they can play all the time instead of me. that's whay they are so close.


     this is so serious feeling. i can feel once again. when the high school session is over, i may be not so close with them. first, i live so far with them. it may be so hard for us to hangout together. second, im not so close with them as i feel like im still new. third, i dont like to do some activities with them is like sports and talking rubbish, maybe? because i love to spend my time with books. 
    that's why it is so hard and tough. i can count them with my fingers. i hope and i hope, Allah will meet me with those who are really understand me. well, im human and i have feelings too. it's going to mix up and is like, i have every feeling right now. huh! 

P/s: High school is not a place of you to play, learn something new and be yours. youre old enough!