im grenade. im gonna explode.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

im grenade. im gonna explode.

walking on the barren roads with no slippers
everyone sees you in a narrow-minded
everyone gonna judge you

you stop and you change your style
you do same thing
but you still repeat the same way with different style

the same thing happens
everyone still keeps an eye on you
everyone still talks back
but a little comes to be friend

you stop and start to say
you keep on your priorities
you do and everyone sees you flaws

youre tired
youre planning to be successful
youre planning to have friends

but you fail for the first time
you lost your old-friends

and now
you are still you
you just improve yourself
while everyone still plays and enjoys the world

you say
"if only i can be like them"
"young, free and fun"

but time is not allowed
youre still on your path

you dont know whether youre in dream
you think you have bestfriend

but you still fight with him
you still mad with him
you still take care of him
you still teach him until late of nights
you still ask him to do good deeds
you still motivate him
you still keep an eye on him

but you still dont know
what the hell in his mind
does he think im his bestfriend too?

please and please
dont hurt me in this way
im all hurt
im tired

im grenade
still wait for right time
still chase for every minute
cause im going to explode

you may not know me
you may hate and dislike me
but you will proud of me
you will love to have me in yours

sincerely from heart : muhammad faris bin yahani

mixed feeling

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

     well, being so exhausted with a great future sometimes bring me to the place where i cant think that much. i know everyone deserves to feel better. everyone deserves to achieve what they want in their lifes. they are allowed. 

     my point is, do they even think to others. is like, my situation, i work harder to strive for a really great result either in finals or anything. but, i do lose my friends because im really lack in socialize. dude, i have to focus on my studying.

      this is im really going to express out. since i moved to mjsc jeli, since that moment, i can feel that my relationship with my friends at tip2 is going to be worse. no i mean, we are not going to be so close. they dont know what im really doing at home. we are not losing our contact but we dont keep in touch.

    how sad! so, my only friends are at mjsc jeli. but, not all of them are comfort with me. with the habit of love-to-study may make a distance. but i do feel that, i want to have more friends, i want to be more socialize, i want to be part of them. leave so many memories together. memories with friends.

    but, sincerely to say, i cant. i may be not so talkative but with those who are knowing me crystal clear, they know me. i love to talk. i love to have joke. but, i have priorities.

    what make me jealous is when, i can see that, they are so free. they seem like dont have any work need to be settle down. they can have fun. they can play all the time instead of me. that's whay they are so close.


     this is so serious feeling. i can feel once again. when the high school session is over, i may be not so close with them. first, i live so far with them. it may be so hard for us to hangout together. second, im not so close with them as i feel like im still new. third, i dont like to do some activities with them is like sports and talking rubbish, maybe? because i love to spend my time with books. 
    that's why it is so hard and tough. i can count them with my fingers. i hope and i hope, Allah will meet me with those who are really understand me. well, im human and i have feelings too. it's going to mix up and is like, i have every feeling right now. huh! 

P/s: High school is not a place of you to play, learn something new and be yours. youre old enough!