memories to be remembered . I need the old of 'us'

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

so, in this entry, I would to combine my languages, I mean, I will write down in both languages, not only in english. Ready to stick up with me?

Lately, I am busy as a bee as I have so many tasks to be done in only days. Plus, I found that all my grades are decreases. I used to gather all A's but then I keep on plucking the C's and D's. Almost E's though. It suprised me. 

At the same time, I have piles of homeworks, I have PRS's duties, and what's important, I have problems with my "close" friend. Do I have to mention? I dont know what I had done, I can feel unbridgeable distance between us. What's shocked me the most is, he said to me directly that," aku yang lari dari kau", and guess what was I feel?

Do I have to laugh? Do I have to pretend like Im still happy to lose friend? Should I? We have so many memories? Do I have to stop from making them? I only have less than 2years to fill up my highschool life. Within 2 years, I want to feel free and I enjoy it.

...and not to feel this feeling

aku dah jaga banyak gila hati, aku lupa kadang-kadang, aku juga ada hati untuk aku jaga. tapi, aku buat-buat lupa, sebab nak jaga hati manusia sekeliling. but, no one appreciates what I had done. orang rapat buat-buat tak nampak. orang jauh judge yang bukan-bukan. Do I have to make an annoucement and tell to all the society? aku ni jenis pemendam, no matter what I feel, aku simpan, sampai aku rasa hati aku dah sarat, aku tak mampu tahan, the tears will roll down the cheeks.

sampai satu tahap, aku tak tahu sampai bila aku nak jaga hati manusia yang tak jaga hati aku. I have a heart that want to be taken care as well. 

bila kau buat distance without I know what's the reasons are. sampai tua pun tak tahu mana salah aku. kalau kau buat distance sampai kau buat aku rasa salah gila, what will you gain, huh?

tak sayang friendship?
tak sayang?

I admit, I do. that's why i try my best to speak. I let down my ego. I try to talk politely as I can. But until when? cubalah faham what I feel. 

try
try to understand

kalau kau nak aku faham kau. aku dah buat. aku faham dan aku mampu ceritakan. but how about you? do you feel me?

saat aku under pressure. I need you to be talk you to be talk to. I want to release my tense. I want to express everything. tak tahu pula aku ditinggalkan saat aku memerlukan seorang kawan. My mind thinks so much things. takkan kau tak ada feeling when kau tengok aku.

aku stres
markah aku down
aku kena kecam
aku busy gila
aku banyak homework tak siap
aku tak faham apa aku belajar
aku mengantuk dalam kelas
aku ada banyak masalah
AKU HILANG KAU

since you make steps, me, myself will try to heal what had you done to my heart. 

LET IT GO.MOVE ON.HEAL

move on isnt easy as ABC. 

I miss our memories, sampai bila kau nak lari dari aku. aku nak KITA.

The Old Of US :"(

thanks for those who are there with me no matter what situation I am
I need you guys