Beyond those myriad eyes

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

     woot! it has been such a long time for not updating up new entry in my blog. well you know, being a SPM's candidate was quite legit. my mind was scattered away and couldnt pin point to the ones that only matter.

     in this entry, im really excited to share a lil bit about my toughest SEM during my high school life at MRSM Jeli. I started to begin writing again once I found this Biology's paper when I was tidying up the mess of papers. It was lots of them. Im not going to burn them up. Recycling them will be better in order to keep our lofty environment yo!

     This paper reminisced me about my very first time for me to fail in examinations. For serious, during that night, I cried pails of tears, I called my mom via phone and told her about my failure in Biology. My mom said, never mind I do believe in you as you already put more efforts.


     She didnt know how I spent up my SEMII. I took responsibility as President and I was busy as hell. I was busy by doing silly duties. I needed to help other organistions. I needed to help them too and my organisation was inorganised. and finally, all the organisations became real chaos. my demeanour? I almost failed too.

     Started from that moment, I started to sleep in the classroom because I was real fatigue. I skipped from performing prayers at the surau in order to be in the hostel. How silly I used to be. I was so regret for doing so. I was influenced by my used-to-be-close-friend to do so. but, it actually was my fault for being a pig-headed as well because I didnt do it without using my brain.

     From that night, after I called my mom, I realised, it seemed like i found my own shine to rise. I do believe in miracle and efforts. Not the word so called 'gifted'. I know it's exist among us at MRSM.

     Days passed by, I asked several teachers that I  badly wanted to resign. But, they didnt even support me. I asked my friends too, seeked opinions from them, it turned out that they told me that, if I resigned, it was still early and you would look such a coward. 

     I had no choice and I slowly avoided myself from taking part in PRS organisation. But it was not overall. It looked so obvious that I made quite a distance as my friends started to yell at me in the form of jokes. PRS TAK BERGUNA, BUKAN PRES, PEROSAK RAKAN SEBAYA , AND SO MANY NEGATIVES STATEMENTS. It was easy for them to say. If they were in my shoes, they would feel what I  suffered with. I am not a smartass. I am such a slow-learner. My mind cannot even absorb everything in a  nick of time.

     In my stupendous life, academic is everything. I guess, yours too. Academic is a priority for me to excel in the future. In the deep of my heart, I said to myself, why I have to live in this negative environment? why i have been surrounded with narrow-minded people? why people only want to judge without looking in the other side? why? Lots of questions shot into my mind. I was buffled. I couldnt let myself to be positive even a bit. I received lots of critisms in every side. What a sad life!

     Trembling and fighting back tears of grieving and sadness, I built up new plans. So every night before I closed my eyes, every evening after preps, I would read bios until I got used to it. I did a lot of exercises. Not to mention, i asked extra exercises with my biology's teacher. I would stay in the classroom every weekend too. at that time, everyone was exhilirated and laugh like hell but i was studying. See, how lifeless my life is.

     Until it came a day, I seated for bios' examination. i was mortified. my mind was full of thought that, what if I fail again? 

     My heart was pounded like a speeding bullet. No lies! Feeling like I was about to jump from real-high tower. Jolts of electricity rushed all over my body. Adrenaline gushed down my veins.

and all the praises to Him.
I did it!

     After about a week, my teacher met me and she said, Faris, Well done! Damn, I did it for real. And she handed me a box of chocolates. 

     To be frank, I scored A for finals in 2016. I cried a river. Nobody knew how I felt and she once said, the value of these chocolates are not the same as my effort. Mine is priceless! 


    I was glad. That was one of the moments that will be never fade in my cerebrum. A place where I can keep a million of memories.

     Thanks for those who help me through ups and downs. Im really appreciate you guys for everything. Salute! success will never be felt without a help of people around us.

     Before i wrap up my entry, let me remind you of something, never ever stop whenever youre at the bottom. Push yourself until the limit and prove that, as human being, you can do as well. Gifted is just a title. even though youre not labelled as a gifted but you have something that they dont, you have efforts. You worth it! You spend more time to fix yours, cover up your weaknesses. You can explore and find yourself even better. You get to know who you are. Failure is a common thing that homo sapien will feel. Never ever lose your hope and believe in yourself, just fight until out of your lung. Just push yourself until it comes to your last breath. Fi sabilillah! Giving up, it is just a word that will bring you down. Once you try to apply it, you will be regret for the rest of your life. if you think that you are the best, so just dont think that the world is a place to rest. You will comfort soon at there, HEAVEN! Yes, I can, You can, We can!